commentary cock-ups

HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when she revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."

LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our resident stylist is here to give our model one."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown: "Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please Carol."

DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man." "Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

 BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was getting it twice a day in my hotel room."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics Championships:
"Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion inside him."

CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant called Richard
when he told two women competitors: "That's enough Dick for both of you." 
  
EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical, wonderful knob I have ever seen."

BEST TILL LAST 
CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: 
 "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."